The moment I met my Match.

Here she is, y'all.

 Kara, my donor. 

Don't we LOOK like sisters?! 

We practically have the same name. 

God knew what He was doing!! 

The similarities do not end there, either. 

More on that LATER.  

I am astounded by His grace and mercy, maybe even His sense of humor :-)  because, how can one hear this story and NOT laugh. 

I cried...a lot, that weekend.  

So much to celebrate, so much to take in.

  

August 4, 2004, Jackie and I got married.  August 9th, 2014, we celebrated our 10 year anniversary with a vow renewal ceremony.  That, in itself, is enough to be elated about.  10 years nowadays is rare.  

We had been tentatively planning a vow renewal since our 2 year anniversary.  The timing was never right, neither was the money.  

Again, God working and we didn't even know it. He knew this was the time.  The PERFECT time.  

In June, I came up with the great idea to see if it would be possible to, at least, invite my donor.  I knew the rule about not meeting your donor until a year post transplant; but, I figured it was only going to be 3 weeks early, maybe they will make an exception.  All I could do was ask, so I did.  My coordinator thought it was a wonderful idea, but she wasn't in charge.  She had to go up the chain of command.  She told me not to get my hopes up, because they were strict when it came to this policy. I told her, my hopes were up, but, I won't get too excited until I hear back from her.  She called me 2 days later and said that we COULD invite her!!! Can you picture me getting that news?  I was standing in my laundry room, trying not to get too excited, and then the tears just started falling!  I was already running late to get to church that night, so while I am crying, trying to make myself stop, I had to go put my make up on!  Have you ever tried to put eyeliner and mascara on while you were crying? 

Here's a tip: just forget about it. It won't work. 

I was still on the phone with my transplant coordinator, too!!  I should have just given it all up and started praising God, right there!! 

The day of the ceremony and meeting:

I still hadn't had any contact with my donor.  It was all to be a secret up until THAT day. She knew what time the ceremony started and knew we wanted to meet ahead of time for dinner.  She had the address to the hotel she would be staying at and the address of the church.  That was it.

I decided to get a gift box for her and her friend, and put it in their hotel room, with my cell number so she could text me and let me know they arrived.

Hotels have a little rule about that, though,  Technically, I wasn't allowed in their room until they got there, a manager or housekeeper was supposed to put it in the room for me.  I really wanted to do it myself, {partially because I felt like I needed too and partially because I am OCD and wanted it done my way...} I told the manager what was happening, who I was, and just how special this guest was to me.  She started crying and said that she would make an exception for us.  A housekeeper ushered me into the elevator, but not before the manager told her the whole story!  All three of us were crying. It was a very sweet moment.

We got upstairs and I put each box on the bed and laid out the cards like I wanted. I left and felt so much better, and then I was struck with a huge bout of nervousness.  I couldn't wait to meet her, know her, hug her.  But, I was so nervous!

I drove back to church to finish getting the last minute things done and to wait for a text from a stranger. 

Time passed very slowly and quickly, at the same time.  It was getting really close to dinner time and I still hadn't received a text.  Then, the phone rang.  My heart lept into my throat.  But, it was just my coordinator. 

I love her, but it's not who I wanted to hear from. 

She said my donor and her friend hit traffic coming from D.C. {AHA!  My first clue } They wouldn't be here in time for dinner.  They would hopefully make it just in time for the ceremony.

I was disappointed.  I really wanted to take the time before to meet her and get the intial emotions all out of my system.  Plus, I didn't want to share that moment of first meeting her with about 100 people staring at us. 

But, I had to put it all in perspective and realize that I am going to meet her, and that was what I needed to focus on.

People started arriving. It was time to get into my dress.

Then, I got a text from a number I didn't recognize. 

I started tearing up and was thrilled that she finally made it to the hotel!  She was less than 5 miles away from me.

Our Pastor's daughter, Megan, was going to take pictures along with Kara's friend, Laura. I wanted to have someone else with me when I met her, and Megan was happy to stay with me.  She offered to snap pictures of the meeting, too.  

While everyone else had to get into place in the auditorium, Megan and I waited for Kara and Laura to arrive.

With every car that pulled into the parking lot, Megan asked, "Is THAT her?"  But, it was just more family members. {WHICH I LOVE and am GRATEFUL they came to celebrate with us!!!}

Then, a car that I didn't recognize, which had 2 ladies in it that I didn't recognize.

I started sweating! My dress felt a lot tighter.  It was hard to breathe.

She walked towards the Prophet's Chamber, where I was waiting, and I may have said something like "Are you her?" {original, I know.  I am so clever.} She said yes! We hugged.  And, cried. and cried some more! 

After I got myself composed, we snapped a selfie, to send to Jackie.  So he would know who she was! 

Then, we hussled inside the church.  My husband was waiting to marry me! 

She and Laura sat in the front row with our family.  Rightfully so.

As I walked down the aisle, I actually tried to avoid looking at her.  I didn't want to blubber like a baby during the whole ceremony.  Too late, though.  Because I was so emotional anyway. About her. About my handsome husband standing right in front of me, about our beautiful children standing beside him. About my family and close friends seated in the pews.  It was so much to take in.

The ceremony was perfect, even though I choked up during the song.  {Which is a very KARI thing to do...I have a track record for that sort of thing}  

Afterwards, everyone got the chance to meet Kara. She was so kind to smile and receive more and more hugs from complete strangers. We chatted during the small reception.  All too quickly, it was over and it was time for bed.

I keep referring to her as my donor.  She is so much more than that, to me.  She is my sister.

She is my friend.  She is a part of me.  Literally and figuratively.

After we were all home, I got a text from my sister, {She, of course, couldn't wait for ME to friend Kara on FB first...} she told me that we share the same birthday!!! She is 2 years younger to the DAY!!  God, in His infinite wisdom and knowing I would be diagnosed with leukemia, gave me a birthday gift, that I didn't even know about until the moment I needed her!  AHHHmazing.

The next morning, we met for breakfast, they had to get back to D.C. and we had church.  So, we didn't get to visit very long.  But, we definitely started a relationship.  

We are family.

I have finally, met my match.

www.bethematch.org

Do it!  You can be someone's match, too.

2 years Post Transplant!!

I've been very weepy, the last few days. Any mention of cancer, mine or someone else who may be going through it currently, makes me well up inside until I cannot hold the tears back.

Earlier this evening, I spent time looking at some pictures of my life, just 2 years ago.  
I noticed somethings: 

#1 I took a lot of selfies

I am not complaining about them, I wanted to have as many pictures of this time, as I could.  Any one could have been my last.

#2 I lost a lot of weight and gained a lot of weight {for me} in a year. I went from almost a skeleton to a cute little pooch!

#3 My hair was SOO long! It's hard to remember having to deal with it all.

#4 All of a sudden I looked like a middle aged Has Been from an 80's hairband. 

#5 I had a TON of support, love and prayers spread out across the world. 

 

#6 I have a loving God that was so merciful to me. 

#7 My kids are not babies anymore. The past 2 years have flown by.  

#8 I'm here to see it fly. I'm here to watch my girls fly. 
I am here to help my marriage fly.  
I am here to see my relationship with Christ FLY {although, if the opposite had happened, and God chose to heal me by taking me from this world, my relationship with Christ would have SOARED above the clouds!}

I have said THANK YOU a few times. I won't stop. I never felt worthy of all the attention. {I didn't say I didn't ENJOY it} But, I am so very appreciative of everything that has been given to me. Whether by way of prayers, love, cards, facebook messages, those BEAUTIFUL high five pictures, visits, food {always thankful for the food!} gifts, those that loved on my girls when I couldn't. You name it. I am thankful for it.
Even cancer.
Yup.
I needed to be knocked down a peg or two. I needed to have my eyes opened to the truly important things in life. My focus was on the wrong things.

Life matters.
Time matters.
My marriage matters.
Prayer matters.
My children matter.
Kindness matters.
Family matters. {did I do that?} {if you are an 80's-90's kid, you totally said that in HIS voice}
Love matters.
My friends matter.
Mercy matters.
Service matters.
Righteousness matters.
Holiness matters.
Forgiveness matters.

I haven't been perfect in the past 2 years. I have many days when I am focused on the unimportant things. But, I remember, and then I get it back on track.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

5,256,000 minutes

On August 4th, 2004, I married the love of my life.

This blue eyed, blonde haired, Marine stole my heart.

With his genuine kindness, giving heart, servant attitude, witty humor, gorgeous smile, captivating baby blues, and it didn't hurt that he looked AWESOME in a uniform!

Last year was a very special anniversary for us.

We had a lot to celebrate :

10 years of marriage.

3 beautiful children.

Lots of family.

The beginning of a life of ministry and worshipping our Lord together.

Not only all those things.

Each one is enough reason to celebrate.

But, 2013-2014 was such a difficult time.

Not only in my health, in my own body.

But, in our family and in our marriage.

I jokingly/seriously said while in the hospital : "if I make it through this, I am getting my wedding in a church and getting my dress!"

Although I was very serious about it, at the time, it wasn't my main focus.

The wedding, the place, the dress, the napkins, the candles, it's not the most important thing.

In fact, none of those things even matter at all.

We could have gotten married in a courthouse snack room, with a tunic dress I bought at Ross for $10, a bouquet of flowers from Wal-Mart for $3, and a mini reception for 5 people at Applebee's, afterwards.  And, it still would have been a magical day.

Oh, wait!  That DID happen!

We were still married.  We still loved each other and were surrounded by people who loved us. {They may not have all been HAPPY about it at the moment..*ahem*Lisa*  Ha! But they loved us, nonetheless}

Our marriage is not dependant on the venue, or dress, or food served.  Our marriage is dependant on Christ and His love for us.

Our marriage is dependant on our attitudes and our willingness to put each other above ourselves.

We haven't "mastered marriage".  Unfortunately, this side of heaven, we never will.

He is going to annoy me and I am going to frustrate him.  It has happened and it is going to happen time and again.  But, we have love.  We have Christ.  That's enough for us.

This Tuesday, we will be celebrating 11 years of marriage. 

I cannot believe how quickly time passes.

I want to soak up every last minute.

I want to love my husband more than I did yesterday.

I want to adore him more than I did 10 years ago.

I want to need him more than I did 2 years ago.

He forgives me for my short comings, he gives me chance after chance to get "wife things" right.

And, I forgive him, and I give him chance after chance to get "husband things" right.

That is what marriage is.  

Loving him, loving me, through it all.

For better or worse.  Through sickness and health.

Til death do us part.

The devil has thrown lots of things our way.  We have caused our OWN problems, too! 

But, by the grace of God, we are still standing here, together. 10 years, 363 days.

Happy Anniversary, honey!

God is good. Always.

Most days, I don't even think about 2013.
My thoughts are filled with everyday things.

Getting up. Getting the big girls off to school.  Starting a load of dishes and laundry, have I eaten yet? let me just clean this floor for the 100 time this morning, etc. etc. etc.

You know, mom stuff.
It doesn't even register some days.  It seems like such a long time ago. Or even like it happened to someone else.

Then, there are times, like tonight, when it hits me like a freight train. When it seems like it all just happened yesterday.  And, the feelings are raw and fresh.

After church, I got the girls home and into pajamas, teeth brushed, cleaned Charlotte's newly pierced ears, and picked out clothes for school tomorrow.  As I stood over them and prayed out loud, I prayed for a specific person, {we will call her A} that HAD AML, like me. She had a transplant, like me.  But, is having a more difficult recovery than I. And, all those emotions from my diagnosis, thankfulness for my recovery and healing flowed out. Then, that led me to think of a dear, sweet lady, that I met only once, Miss Jessie.  But, we talked many times over the phone, right after my transplant and during my stay in Chapel Hill.  She had lymphoma and had a transplant.  But, sadly, she didn't survive.

All those emotions came rushing in. I choked back tears, unsuccessfully, and tried my best to make it through the rest of the prayer and get away from the girls, so I didn't freak them out.

I wasn't "lucky".  I wasn't more blessed than they.  Our recoveries were/are different.  There are different reasons for and different outcomes to every story.

GOD.  This is all His plan.  He knows the reasons behind my recovery.  He knows the reasons behind A's recovery, too. He knows, also, why my dear Miss Jessie didn't stay here on earth.  He knows everything.  He knows what my white blood cells are doing.  He knows what A's are doing.  He is in control of it all.  Although we may not understand WHY things happen the way they do,  I have faith in the One who does know. And, I have put my trust in His plan.

I couldn't imagine doing it any other way.
How pitiful would my recovery have been if I had listened to the doctor say he thought I had a 25% chance of living through treatment.

I didn't listen.

I didn't want to know.

God knew it all already.  He knew whether I was going to make it to 30 or not.  And, He knows how A's recovery is going to go.

When I think back to how God moved in my healing, it just stops me in my tracks.  I am paralyzed with the weight of it.  How AWESOME my God is.  Not just because He healed me.  Not because I "breezed" through that 1st year of recovery.  And, I don't say "breezed" lightly.  It wasn't a cake walk.  But, compared to other patients, not just A and Miss Jessie, I know I had it easier.
Not easy, just easier.  I can't say why that is.  I cannot comprehend it.  I don't think I am supposed to grasp it, fully, yet.

No, my God is not just AWESOME because I no longer have leukemia.  Frankly, if it all came back tomorrow, He would still be awesome. Marvelous. Counselor.  Healer.  Father.  The Prince of Peace.  Holy.
He is awesome because He created this universe.  He created the heavens, the planets, the stars, the galaxies beyond our view.  And, the same God that did that, that keeps the earth in perfect position, keeps the tides rolling and the planets orbiting,  reached down and took away my leukemia.  He used my doctors and my donor, placed everyone in the right place at the right time, and healed my leukemia,  PRAISE GOD.
I don't know why.
I just know I am thankful.  I am so very thankful.
I am still here to be a wife.  A mother.  A daughter.  I am still here.  And, I do not take that for granted. It could have been completely different.

During my many hospital stays, I found great comfort in scriptures.  Especially Psalms.
Before I was sick, I had read Psalms, and I didn't really get it.  I mean, I understood where David was coming from, I guess,in a shallow way.  A head knowledge.  But, once trial, tribulation, and sorrow were personally mine, I started to "get it."  I understand Psalms in a way that I wouldn't know, had I skipped over 2013.
Verses like :

Psalm116: 1-9

I love the Lord, because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.  Because He hath inclined His ear unto me, therefore will I call upon Him as long as I live.  The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.  Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.  Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.  The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and He helped me.  Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.  For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.  I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

Psalm 9:10

And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.

Psalm 18:1-6 &17

I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.  The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.  The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.  In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: He heard my voice out of His temple, and my cry came before Him, even into His ears.
He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.

Psalm 27:5

For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavillion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me up upon a rock.


And, so many, many more verses.  I could list dozens more that have had an impact or I have personalized and prayed.

Life is different for every person.  Not one person has the same experience, the same way, the same emotion, the same response.  Every situation is uniquely yours or mine. God has given us this life to bring glory and honor to Him.  To praise His Holy name.  All of our trials and journeys through the valley or the moutaintop are meant to bring His children closer to Him and to make us more Christlike.  To be in perfect fellowship with Him.  The One who created it all. The maker of the universe, loves me.  He loves you.  That is an awesome God.
Every time I think of what I have been through, and I think, He never left my side. I am humbled by His love for me.  I know I am not worthy of such a love.  But, I am ever so thankful for it. I am thankful I serve, worship and walk daily with my God and Jesus Christ.
I pray I never get "used" to be a cancer survivor.  That it never becomes old to me. I pray having gone through all that I have, I walk closer and closer still, with Jesus.  The One who died for me, so that I didn't have to fear.

Life IS like a box of chocolates

Ahh!  It has been AGES since I have posted a blog.  I am sorry if I scared any of you or you were worried about me!
I am alive and well.
VERY well, actually.

My doctor said "If we didn't KNOW you had leukemia, last year, we certainly wouldn't KNOW it from your numbers, now."
Basically saying that my numbers are perfect.  I am still showing ALL donor cells!!  No mutations on my cancer cells, because, well, there aren't any!!  Someone pick me up off the floor!  I am just so completely dumbstruck, and then, at the sametime, not surprised at all.  I knew my God could handle this.  I knew He was in control.  What have I to fear?! This trial in my life has shown me ways my God takes care of me in ways I hadn't even thought of before.  And, I could never hope to repay Him for that, no matter what I do.  I am very very very very very blessed.  Very.  :-)  And, I know Who all my praise goes to for that.


So much has happened since my last post.  But, most importantly, I have been living.  Being a wife, a mother, a friend, sister, daughter.  It has been exhausting! ha!  How did I do it all before I got sick?

Christmas at my sister's.

New Year's!  Welcome 2014!

Spring Break vacay in the mountains of NC

My Audrey girl asked Jesus into her heart and got baptized!!

First Hawaiian Shaved Ice of the summer!

Family Fellowship Week!

Levi's T-ball game!!

First and Last day of first grade!

My Amber.  The best!! {Ps...if you are reading this...I hope you are sparkling ;-P  }

The best BMT Clinic Doc, anywhere!

Mother's Day!!

My beautiful family, singing for the Lord.

I am truly blessed.

First trip to the Splash Park 2014!

My bestie, y'all!

I am so thankful for Christina, I can't even talk about her without crying.  

Trying on wedding dresses.

Can I just say that I LOVE the skirt on this?!

I'd wear it everyday, even just to Wal-Mart.

Girls' Night out

Chick-fil-a!

Finally! Her first tooth to fall out!

The BEST sister-in-laws, ever!

No caption needed.

first time, holding/touching a cicada shell. 

{this is HUGE for me...}

First day of school clothes shopping!

I have a second grader! :-(  

First day of school for Charlotte

Back to school Bash at Chick-fil-a!!

First day of school for Audrey!

Kindergarten is so fun!

I am NOT going to cry...a lot.

Daddy's girl!

Sadie misses her buddy being home all day!

Kindergarten means NEW HAIR DO's!

So does 2nd grade!!

They both donated their hair to a children's cancer orginazation.

My kids are the coolest.

And, I have AWESOME bedhead, now.

Seriously, how does this even happen?

Sunday morning selfies

Playing in the rain!

Sadie asked Jesus to save her, too!

Then, she followed that with Believer's Baptism!

Charlotte won a breakfast and limo ride to school for herself and some friends!!!

Chick-fil-a is amazing!

First play practice!  "The King and I"

We found a NEW born kitten in our yard.  I refused to just leave it there.

I did the best that I could do, but she didn't make it.  

I'm still slightly heartbroken over it.

Apple Tasting in Kindergarten!!

Fall Party at Church!

"The King's kids and I" 

2nd Grade Fall party!

Kindergarten Fall Party!!

My silly, Siamese children.

I voted!!

Daddy and his Siamese girls!

We had cuppies!!

Tacky Day!

Harvest Festival fun!

My first REAL Starbucks coffee trial.

Not so yummy.  

I guess I have to stick with Hot Cocoa! 

Picking Daddy up from the Airport!!

His expression!

I love my family!!

This year has been AMAZING!!!

My next post will be about 2 things that happened this year.  They are very special, and I could talk about both for days.  So, I figured they deserved their own post.

Thank you for praying for me this past year.  It has been an amazing ride.  

Momma's new wig!! :-)