Remission!!

Yup!  You read the right, my doctor used MY name and COMPLETE REMISSION in the same sentence!!

Praise the LORD!!! 

Psalm 34:4-6
"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
They looked unto Him and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.
This poor man cried and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles."

This has defintitely been my "go to verse"!!  So, you have heard it before and you are going to hear it again!

Jesus has been my rock through all of this.  I cannot imagine having to go through ANY of this without HIM.  I can't see how unsaved people rely on their own strength to get them through.  I know unsaved people have made it through cancer and that IS SOOO GREAT!  But, I am so glad I have Jesus to lean on. 

Now, so, I am sure you guys are asking: What now!?  I go BACK to UNC for 5 days, today.  Consolidation chemotherapy.  To make sure EVERY bit of cancer is gone, and to keep me in remission until I can get a transplant.  I will come home after the 5 days to recover.  My immune system will be very little and weak.  We have an oncology doctor here in Kinston. {Dr. #2, I think is what I called him} I will see him every other day to check my blood levels and to see if I need any transfusions.  I will get those here, as well.  Then, I go back to UNC after a few weeks!  I am a little nervous about recovering at home.  With a 6 year old still in kindergarden until June 5, a 4 year old and a 2 year old.  With a husband going out to work everyday and different ladies coming to stay with me everyday.  There is no telling what I could pick up.  But, this is the protocol they follow and I have to trust God that He will keep me safe and trust the doctors judgment.  They are the professionals. 

Unfortunately, because my intial diagnosis was leukemia with a genetic mutation, the cancer has a greater chance of coming back later.  And, it is harder to get it back into remission the second time.  So, we want to give myself the BEST possible chance to be cancer free for the rest of my life.

Gosh.  Sometimes, it just hits me.  I say cancer.  I type out cancer, leukemia.  But, sometimes, it doesn't affect me.  It's like I forget.  But, then, sometimes, like now: it hits me.  I just want to cry.  I could have it a lot worse.  I know that.  Cancer stinks.  Cancer is stupid.  I hate cancer.  This cancer must die.  I have to get angry, not at God, not at the environment, not at my body.  I have to hate and be angry at the cancer. 

Okay, enough of that.

I leave today.  I am just waiting to get the call that they have a bed for me.  Please join me in praying that everything will go well, that I will have minimal side effects and that my counts will come back up quickly and I won't get sick!